It’s Time for Change in Rugby
European rugby is currently experimenting with the latest instalment of the rules that govern the game. This has been going on for decades, and the IRB is still no closer to settling on a standard set of rules to govern the world’s fastest growing sport. In the interest of ending the farcical annual rule changes, we have compiled a comprehensive analysis of what needs to change in the game of rugby.
Scrums
Any rugby fan worth this label would be delighted to hear that the man who invented the scrum perished by having his house collapse on him. Unfortunately this simply isn’t true, and the man who invented this tedious aspect of the game most likely went unpunished.
Here’s the problem: a scrum is an inherently unstable structure.
Evidence of this can be found in the 20+ collapsed scrums one can observe in any rugby game. Sure there are skills and technical aspects involved, and the scrum is celebrated by forwards, but we all know the big boys would be better off doing what they do best, namely biting each others ears off, whilst the scrum is replaced by free kicks.
Penalties
Two penalties offer more points than an unconverted try. This needs to change, as penalties are easier to score than tries, and some teams are therefore tempted to do half the work for twice the reward. In addition, penalties place too much emphasis on the skill of a single player in what is supposed to be a team game.
Instead of offering 3 points for a penalty, scale this down to a single point, with drop-goals offering the same reward. Conversions can remain at two points, enhancing the relative value of a converted try. The result? Fewer minutes wasted watching kickers psych themselves up for big kicks, and more rugby.
Rucks and Mauls
Give up on trying to police what happens when 15 odd rugby players collapse in a tangled heap and attempt to extract the ball. Not only are some teams expert at playing to the limits of the laws governing this aspect of play, but this area of the game also produces an unacceptable number of penalties.
The solution is simple. Whichever team member extracts the ball from a ruck, whether standing, lying down, or in the reverse lotus position, gets to keep the ball. Any player fatalities can be duly referred to the citing commissioner.
South Pacific Islanders
There are two combined South Pacific Island teams playing in international rugby. One is called the Pacific Islanders and the other team is called New Zealand. While the world sits scratching its head over the consistent results achieved by New Zealand, the fact is the All Blacks thrive on pilfering talent from neighbouring islands.
The simplest way to put a stop to this would be to make Pacific Islanders free agents in international rugby, giving all nations equal access to their player resources. Alternatively, basic common sense could prevail, and players should only be allowed to represent their country of birth.
Argentina
One of the most passionate, exciting national teams in the world currently has nowhere to ply its trade. Whilst the Tri Nations tournament has been extended by an additional 3 matches per season, the Argentineans are left twiddling their thumbs and playing B-grade rugby against Chile and Uruguay.
To rectify this situation, Argentina could be added to the Tri Nations, and Argentinean provinces could compete in an expanded two-division Super 14. Using Argentina as a stopover point on the South Africa – Australasia route would not only cut down flight times, but also contribute to the growth of rugby in this important market.
Fights
Whilst a bit of argy bargy can be entertaining now and again, most rugby fans don’t enjoy seeing the resultant red or yellow cards and the effect this has on matches. Instead of carding players who start fights, simply demand that they wear pink tutus in their next three matches – this is virtually guaranteed to end brawls in rugby.